Final Beloved Paper

Who would have the courage to end the life of their own child, a being so innocent and incapable of doing any harm to those around them? Would you be able to cope with the defamation and ridicule bestowed upon you by a community that should stand with you and not against you, or would you just shrink back in fear? For Sethe, this is what she was faced with daily. Never being able have a loving community that would be willing to understand her circumstance and not judge her actions. To take the life of one's own child for the sake of giving them freedom is in itself a hard decision to make which can only be understood if it's given the time.

Love can make people do some crazy things, even kill. To kill for the sake of protecting someone you love is an act that is considered to be shameful, simply because it's not understood. Yes, it seems harsh. At the same time, there are underlying factors as to why a person might go to an extremity such as this. In Beloved by Toni Morrison, Sethe "takes things to the limit" by slitting Beloved's throat, an act so ferocious that it left her an outsider within her own community. "Years ago - when 124 was alive - she had women friends, men friends from all around to share grief with. Then there was no one, for they would not visit her while the baby ghost filled the house, and she returned their disapproval with the potent pride of the mistreated." (112). Taking her child's life caused strife, not love, between Sethe and the Black community and instead of sticking by her side, they chose to leave her to tackle the "ghost" on her own.

The death of Beloved wasn't something that came about suddenly. It was planned by Sethe; she didn't want her children to endure the hardships of slavery as she had. "It ain't my job to know what's worse. It's my job to know what is and to keep them away from what I know is terrible." (194). For Sethe, the only way for her children to obtain the freedom that she wanted for them was to see to it that they weren't held captive in slavery. Her willingness to take the lives of her children so they could be free is something that most people wouldn't dare dream of. Sethe's attempt to murder her children was only successful with Beloved. Being a baby, it was very difficult for her to understand that what her mother did to her - kill her - wasn't done because she didn't love her, she did it because she did love her. "She wasn't even two years old when she died. Too little to understand...But if she'd only come, I could make it clear to her." (5). Sethe then goes on to state that the "spell" that Beloved cast upon the house was "No more powerful than the way I loved her." (5). Love like that is SO hard to understand if a person can't relate. Even if you couldn't take the life of your own child, put yourself in Sethe's shoes. Could you be willing to choose death instead of life for the one whom you gave life, just as Sethe had? Could you handle being slandered by a community who once welcomed you as they own but now view you as a murder? Shouldn't a mother's love, a love that would lead one to end their child's life, be enough to quiet "a town full of disgust"? (5).

It's not the job of anyone to tell a parent, a mother, whether or not her decision to take her child's life for the sake of giving them freedom, was "right" or "wrong". When inquiring why Sethe did what she did, Paul D states that, "What you did was wrong, Sethe...There could have been a way. Some other way...You got two feet, Sethe, not four". (194). Sethe responds by answering, "I should have gone on back there? Taken my babies back there?". She then says, "What way?". (194). This dialogue is somewhat out of sequence but the conversation can be put together like any other: Paul D: Who are you to take the life of your child? There could have been another way out. Sethe: I did what I did because I didn't see any other way out. To be judged based on decisions that may not seem "moral" in the eyes of anyone but the person being judged, is painful. It makes the judged feel low and all alone, while those casting judgment never stop to think about the affects that those criticisms have on the "outsider".

For the one who's life is stripped away, only confusion remains. Not only is Sethe criticized by the Black community for murdering Beloved, she is also criticized by Beloved herself. Her feelings of anger and rage are derived from not knowing - not understanding - why her mother chose to kill her and not the other children. "She left me behind...I was looking for this place I could be in...I cannot lose her again...". (89, 77, 250). Not only did she want a place where she could feel a part of and close to Sethe and find answers to why she was killed, she also wanted to "fix her"; let her know that although she had to endure slander from the community, everything was going to be alright. That is why Beloved came back. In contrast, Sethe thought differently about having to explain herself to Beloved. "Beloved, she is my daughter. She is mine. See. She come back to me of her own free will and I don't have to explain a thing". (236). She later goes on to say, "I'll explain to her, even though I don't have to. Why I did it. How if I hadn't killed her she would have died and that was something I could not bear to happen to her. When I explain it she'll understand, because she understands everything already. I'll tend to her as no mother ever tended to a child, a daughter". Sethe never felt that she had to explain Beloved's death to anyone; she was set on that, that by killing her baby girl "she had done what was right because it came from true love". (296).

The courage to kill and the courage to forgive were two things that Sethe and the towns people of Bluestone Road had to deal with. Although many people viewed the act of Sethe taking her baby girl's life as immoral and without remorse, there were some, like Ella, who chose to look past what was "prideful and misdirected" (302), simply because she understood what it was like to be an outsider. "Nobody loved her and she wouldn't have liked it if they had...Her puberty was spent in a house where she was shared by her father and son, whom she called the lowest yet'" (301). That likeness - that feeling of being on the outside looking in - is what gave Ella the courage to openly state that despite everything that happened within that shed, with Sethe and the killing of Beloved, she deserved a second chance, and by doing that, "convinced the others that rescue was in order". "When Ella heard 124 was occupied by something-or-other beating up on Sethe, it infuriated her...Whatever Sethe had done, Ella didn't like the idea of of the past errors taking possession of the present". (302). What Sethe did was in no way considered "motherly", so for someone to stand beside a murderer, well...that takes courage.

To learn to show compassion towards someone despite the choices they made, showcases a growth in character. In the eyes of just about all of the people on Bluestone Road, Sethe was depicted as a monster. They chose only to see her faults and not what she had to offer as a human being. Yes, people do things that not everyone would agree with, but that doesn't make them any less of a person. Everyone has dealt with things in life, albeit different. Those things that we've dealt with and maybe still deal with are what make us different, but the fact that there is a struggle within each of us is what makes us alike.

Umoja Conference Reflection

My experience at the Umoja Conference was a memorable one. What I enjoyed the most was being able to contribute, being able to run a workshop with my fellow English 4 Daraja students. We'd been analyzing the issue surrounding poverty for about 2 months prior to the event and pretty much became experts on various topics, some of which were dismantling the safety bet, mortgages and the schematics behind them, and how poverty has evolved into something that not only affect people of color, but anyone who doesn't make at least $250,000 a year. When the class was informed about doing the workshop, a lot of us were reluctant - we we're taken aback because it came as a surprise. After a lot of brainstorming, we as a class came up with a ways to reveal the truths about poverty. One way we brought knowledge to the audience was through personal monologues. A few of the students decided go share with the whole room how poverty impacted their lives daily. It was very touching to see my classmates, unafraid and unashamed, open up the way that they did. It was awesome. Another way we informed the audience was by showing statistical data about poverty - who was considered to be impoverished, middle class, filthy rich, and by posting poster boards around the classroom that consisted of information that we students had researched, as well as quotes from The Rich and the Rest of Us by Cornell West and Tavis Smiley. A lot of people were surprised to find out that about 70% of the nation's wealth belonged to 1% of Americans. That 1% even had its own "scale". 

Thought the workshop there was a lot of

Q&A. I liked that because it allowed us students to showcase our knowledge and it allowed us to get feedback from gen audience. Most of the audience could connect with what we were informing them about in our workshop. Some even knew a lot about what we were talking about and for those who didn't, they knew before the day was over.

I can honestly say that our workshop on poverty was a success. In addition to being a lot of fun, it helped us open up about personal issues and through that, I feel like we've become stronger as a class. 

 

Beloved Blog Post #6

I've been inspired to FINALLY write this last blog on Beloved. This inspiration came out of frustration. There will be no citations needed, just me, my thoughts, and connections. I can relate to the characters in Beloved in so many ways. Part of me is Sethe, afraid to be loved, Paul D, afraid to love completely, Denver, longing to be loved, and Beloved, desperate to know why the love that was given so freely to her siblings wasn't given to her. As painful as it is to write what I am about to write, it’s something that I’ve been holding in for far too long and I need to let it out.

To be afraid to be loved is something that I’ve struggled with throughout my life. After losing my  biological dad at the age of 13 and my half sister at the age of 15, I had a huge fear of loving people because I thought they’d just end up leaving me in the end. The person wouldn’t have to necessarily leave me because of death; it could just because they didn’t want to talk to me anymore of because we’ve lost contact. I don’t know. The feelings I have regarding being loved is still something I’m dealing with.

In the novel, Paul D is often described as having a “tin rusted” heart; unable to love completely but also, like Sethe, unable to be loved because of fear. This is something I can definitely relate to. Growing up I had pretty screwed up relationship with my mom. We’d argue a lot about things that may seem ridiculous to many but to me, it was all out of frustration. I don’t think I loved my mom the way that would be expected, simply because I felt as if she didn’t love me. How is it possible to love someone when you don’t feel like that person loves you? A huge part of why I felt this way and sometimes still feel this way, is because I’ve never felt like my mom loved me the same way that she did my other siblings. Like Beloved, I was desperate to know why? Why did I feel like I wasn’t treated the same, loved the same? Acting out was one way to show my mom that I was longing for attention, practically begging for it...but to no avail. To this day I still feel the tension between my mom, even between my siblings. This tension isn’t only limited to them though. Even though my father is dead, he was never really around, nor did her really ever tell me that he loved me. He didn’t even show it. The part that sucks is the fact that I’ll never know whether or not he truly loved me like he said he did. That’ll always be a mystery.

Beloved Short Paper Analysis

Morrison writes these last two pages in such a way that forces the reader to think “outside the box”, and challenge what’s been engrained within their minds. When accomplished, the reader will be fully equipped to make meaning out what’s going on around them and inside of them, not based on what society says and teaches, but by how they feel. This can be a hard task for some. In order for people, in this case African Americans, to know their history and where they come from, they have to be willing to seek out and accept that which they have tried so hard to forget. 

“Everybody knew what she was called, but nobody anywhere knew her name.” (Beloved, Toni Morrison). What I believe the meaning behind the passage to be is this: “She” is a representation of the Motherland, Africa. It is what Beloved, in a way symbolizes. “She” is all of the Africans that came across the Atlantic during the Middle Passage, those who were branded with names that hold no merit, names that have been forgotten. A great example of this from the novel is where Baby Suggs is talking to Mr. Garner. She proposes him with this question: “‘Mr Garner’, she said, ‘why you all call me Jenny?’”. Mr Garner responds by saying, “‘Cause that what’s on your ticket sales, gal. Ain’t that your name? What you call yourself?’”. To this Baby Suggs answers, “‘Nothing. I call myself nothing” (167). Baby Suggs was called and “known” as Jenny by everyone, especially white people, who came in contact with her, simply because they didn’t know who she was; there was no connection there. For those who called her by the name Baby Suggs, they did it in a way that showed connection, they had ties to one another. 

The history of the African culture is foreign to many African Americans not only because it’s been fabricated, but by unwillingness to unearth what is lost for the fear of it being too hard to bear. Earlier in the text, Morrison states that, “You could be lost forever, if there wasn’t nobody to show you the way” (159). There is a starting point for every path taken and in order to know where to go, there has to be direction. We will never know who we are as a people and where we come from if we’re not willing to seek out that information, no matter how how painful the outcome. In contrast to this passage Morrison later writes, “Disremembered and unaccounted for, she cannot be lost because no one is looking for her, and even if they were, how can they call her if they don’t know her name?” Here she is saying that in order for her (Africa/African culture) to be lost, someone has to take notice of her and seek her out. She can't be lost if no one truly knows of her existence. Even if they were to take notice and seek her (Africa/African culture) out, how can they do that if they don’t know where to start? 

In order to find her, we must seek her with their heart. Those who do not belong to her will have a hard time seeking what is not there’s, simply because there is nothing to link them to her. Whether or not she’s lost or found doesn’t mean a thing to those who aren’t connected because they have chosen to disregard everything she is and everything she represents. As painful as it is to remember the things of the past, things that have been pushed away so that they only remain as a memory, it’s the only way to find healing. Pushing aside memories just for the sake of not remembering only creates a deeper void that can only be filled once the experience of our ancestors becomes own personal experience. "I'm trying to make the slave experience intimate... that the order and quietude of everyday life would be violently disrupted by the chaos of the needy dead; that the herculean effort to forget would be threatened by memory desperate to stay alive". In essence, we need to remember, not only out of respect and love for those who came before us, but for ourselves.

Remembering is frightening because its allows room for judgment and vulnerability, but in order to allow freedom to take the place of pain, barriers have to broken down. It’s not easy, remembering. Without "rememory", there would be no room left in our hearts to allow ourselves to love and be loved. Learning to love oneself, even when it’s the most painful, and allowing others to love us is real freedom. A freedom that’s inside of every person who is willing to accept it and own it. It’s easy to say “I’m free”, but what merit does that really hold if it’s all talk? ANYONE can say that they are free, but what really matters is what a person does with that freedom. “Freeing oneself is one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another thing” (112). Freedom means nothing if it’s not utilized, so do something with it.